I have this problem where I hold obnoxious grudges. Like, if someone called me fat two years ago, I’d get mad for a day, then act like I’ve forgiven them, but then present day they ask me for help while they’re in a burning building while being eaten by giant bears and I will remind them of the day they called me fat.
followers please stop everything that you are doing and listen to this
yessss i can’t stop listening
for those too lazy to click a link to listen to it
edit: here, have lyrics
You’re walking in the woods There’s no one around and your phone is dead Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him Shia LaBeouf He’s following you, about 30 feet back He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint He’s gaining on you! Shia LaBeouf! You’re looking for your car, but you’re all turned around He’s almost upon you now and you can see there’s blood on his face My God, there’s blood everywhere!
Running for your life From Shia LaBeouf He’s brandishing a knife It’s Shia LaBeouf Lurking in the shadows Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf
Living in the woods Shia LaBeouf Killing for sport Shia LaBeouf Eating all the bodies Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf
Now it’s dark and you seem to have lost him But you’re hopelessly lost yourself Stranded with a murderer, you creep silently through the underbrush Aha! In the distance, a small cottage with a light on! Hope! You move stealthily toward it but your leg! Ah! It’s caught in a bear trap!
Gnawing off your leg Quiet, quiet Limping to the cottage Quiet, quiet Now you’re on the doorstep Sitting inside, Shia LaBeouf
Sharpening an axe Shia LaBeouf But he doesn’t hear you enter Shia LaBeouf You’re sneaking up behind him Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf
Fighting for your life With Shia LaBeouf Wrestling a knife From Shia LaBeouf Stab it in his kidney Safe at last From Shia LaBeouf
You limp into the dark woods, blood oozing from your stump leg But you’ve won: you have beaten Shia LaBeouf.
Honestly one of the best things I have heard in ages. I cannot stop listening to this damn song and I love it.